Responsible

We loved going to our local coffee shop, where we met for the first time. The coffee shop was special to both of us. Not only because it is where we first fell in love with each other but because everything about it was somewhat fantastical. From it’s tiny little entrance door to it’s cozy little corner tables. It always made us feel as though we are sitting in some magical place run by the most humble people. The grey colored walls with worn down brown colored decor. The walls of the cafe were covered with these sweet smelling jasmine plants, creeping their way through the kitchen shelves.

We would talk for hours together and time would just stand still. This was before marriage. Marriage changes things. You start getting more ‘responsible’ because that’s what the society wants from you. You become more concerned about your finances and your house and all the things which we used to dream of having, as a kid. Then you realize that it’s too late to do everything over and you have to adult your way through life. I still remember the time I have spent sitting in that coffee shop and reading books and just talking about the stars and galaxies. Life was so uncomplicated and demanded so less from us. But of course we were running on the fuel provided by our responsible parents. We forgot that this was all a trap set by them, so that we can enjoy our life and then follow the exact things they did for us.

I sometimes wonder, what would have happened if I didn’t follow the responsibilities and the same path. We would be still living in our hill top house with our farm animals and apple trees. Just living each day without comparing our lives to others or being in touch with the outside world. We would have been happy internally and also if there was no work stress and no kids, maybe Sam would have been alive today. Why don’t we think about how our lives could be if we just lived in abandon? Why is money the most important factor to define our life? And even if we did have money, why can’t we go back to living the simple life and be satisfied? Why do we constantly want more?

These are questions which have no answer. I have tried everything under the sun, from therapy to meditation, in my attempt to find peace. But in the end what makes me really peaceful is the memory of us sitting in the coffee shop and just being there in that moment.

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